Inspired

How did we get to this point? How did I progress from adamantly wanting only two children to having four and then pursuing international adoption? The path to where we are now was not a straight one. It was full of selfish decisions. It included loss and sickness, pain and brokenness. It took time to soften my heart. The Lord patiently waited on me to listen.

Last year, my father attended the Catalyst Conference in Atlanta, GA with Life Church Huntsville's staff. While there, he heard a young lady named Katie Davis speak about her mission work in Uganda. I spoke with him on the phone while he was still in Atlanta and he recounted some of her testimony to me. It rang a bell and I realized that I had seen her book on Amazon. My interest was peaked. I immediately bought the book and spent the next few days devouring it.

This book moved me in an earth-shattering way. I wept for the children. I applauded Katie. I was ashamed of myself. And my heart began to soften. Looking back now, I know Brant wondered about my well-being and maybe my sanity. I could not convey to him what I was feeling because I did not completely grasp it myself. I'm sure he just chalked it up to pregnancy hormones since I was three months pregnant at the time. As I turned each page and traveled through Katie's chapters, I was certain, the Lord was calling us to adoption. The thing was, Brant had no idea. And I was NOT going to be the one to tell him. I poured my heart out to the Lord. I told him this was not possible. That I do not have the capacity to handle more. He gently assured me to just wait and pray.

Praying was what I did for the rest of my pregnancy. Lots of praying. During the pregnancy, Brant started discussing the possibility of a 5th child. A natural 5th child. I knew the Lord was working on his heart too. I just didn't know how it would all come together.

In January 2012, my regular Thursday morning Bible study started back up for the spring session. We would be doing the new Beth Moore study on the book of James. I could not have anticipated the confirmation that was awaiting me during these sessions. About two weeks after my new study began, I received the news of potential problems with my pregnancy and with our baby. I arrived that week at Bible study heartbroken at the possibilities. Here is a page from my notes that day. Could the Lord have spoken to me any clearer? Oh, how he loves me.

The remainder of my pregnancy was heavily monitored. The only thing we knew for certain was that I should not get pregnant again. I felt, at the time, the decision was being taken from me. "It should be my choice if I want to have another child," I argued with the Lord. Then I realized that all the praying I had done for confirmation, for the Lord to prick the heart of Brant about adoption, all of that was coming to fruition. It just wasn't the way I had envisioned it. I am so glad the Lord knows me better than I know myself. He knew my hand must be forced. He knew, left to my own devices, I would have slipped a check into the offering plate earmarked World Missions. That would have been so much easier. Instead, he began speaking words into Brant's heart. We were suddenly found ourselves placed in social situations with adoption and poverty as the main topic of discussion. We began talking it over in our quiet times together as husband and wife. The vision grew in our minds. It finally came down to obedience. We had a call. Would we accept it?

This is the scripture that spoke most to me during my study on James.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

It was a call we could not ignore. We step into this with a bit of trepidation as one would expect. But also with the full knowledge that the Lord will bear us up and not forsake us. He cannot for He loves us so.