What country?

The natural question we receive after the domestic vs international question is, of course, what country? This decision was difficult for us. When we began discussing adoption, neither of us felt drawn to any one country over another. As a matter of fact, our interest sheet we submitted before our agency meeting listed 5 possible countries we were considering! Although our agency will let you change from one country's program to another with no repercussions, we knew some parts of the home study would need to be modified if we did make a change along the way. This is something we both would like to avoid. But we still did not feel pressured to decide.

While we were attending the informational meeting at the agency, Brant expressed to me an interest in Colombia. I believe he also re-expressed this on the way home. Probably making sure I was really listening! He had no real reason, just something about it appealed to him during the meeting. It was one of the countries already in the hat, so that did not rock my boat too much.

As we began studying the resources the agency provided us, the decision process involved quite a bit of natural elimination. Here are some of the things we had to consider:

• We could only choose from countries in which our agency has a working relationship.  Those include Bulgaria, China, Colombia, Congo, Costa Rica, Dominican Republic, Ethiopia, Haiti, Hungary, Peru, Poland, Taiwan, Uganda and Ukraine.  We are thrilled with our agency and so that narrowed us down to 14 potential countries.

• Our existing family.  We have 4 children already.  That prevents us from entering Haiti's program.  They allow a maximum of 2 children in the home before the adoption.  

• The amount of time required in-country to finalize the adoption.  We decided on a maximum of 12 weeks although we would really love to keep that much shorter.  Brant can take 12 weeks of FMLA through the fire department. The Dominican Republic can require a stay as long as 18 weeks.  Definitely eliminates us.

• Availability of children under 2-3 years of age.  With our agency the following countries primarily place older, waiting children or children with medical needs more significant that we are prepared to deal with given our existing family size: Bulgaria, Costa Rica, Hungary, Poland, Taiwan & Ukraine.  

• Safety of travel.  If the stay in the country we adopt from is more than 1-2 weeks, we will be taking our children with us.  So safety is huge for us.  Now mind you, this is all relative.  But for us, Congo was immediately out.

• The next big eliminator was something that we both agreed we wanted.  To adopt more than one child. Possibly a sibling group.  When we expressed that desire to our agency social worker, she narrowed it down very quickly for us to China or Colombia.  The other countries either do not allow placement of two children at once to a family or they do not keep sibling groups together.

So many of the decisions were actually taken from us as we expressed our desires in the adoption process.  During this elimination process, I began to become very interested in the Colombia program as well.  As I discussed options with the agency, scoured the internet and prayed, I became more and more convinced this was the avenue we should pursue.  Brant was already there.  Just took me a while!

In China, we would receive two unrelated special needs children.  In Colombia, we would most likely be referred a sibling group of two where one has a mild, medically correctable special need.  Our focus ages are two children with the oldest not being older than 5 and the youngest being under 3 but preferably under 2.  We feel that maintaining the birth order of our two oldest is crucial and do not want that disrupted.  Brant and I both know we will receive the referral the Lord has for us.  That might not fit our initial "ideal" scenario.  Although I don't know that 4 children under 5 is exactly ideal either :)  Our only real plan is flexibility and that patience word again.

Colombia!  I'm already imagining their precious, little (pequeños) faces.  See that Rosetta Stone is really paying off!

Domestic vs International

One of the first questions people have asked is domestic or international? Short answer: international. We thought and prayed about this one question considerably. For us it came down to a few things. The first being our current family dynamic. We have four natural children. I have a difficult time believing that a birth mother would look at 10-15 presented dossiers of families and choose to place their child with a family who already has 4 children vs a family who has dealt with fertility issues and has not been blessed with any of their own. And quite honestly, I would not want that birth mother to. I would never want to step in the way of a mother and father receiving that child for which they have longed.

Our second determining factor was the staggering statistics. Worldwide the current estimate is around 143,000,000 orphans. Millions. Millions who will never have a real family home. 85% of young, orphan girls will be sold through human trafficking once they age out of their orphanage. 75% of young orphan boys will turn to drugs, crime or be sold through human trafficking when they age out. The suicide rate among these orphans is the highest among any other group of people. It is unbelievable really.

Now please do not think I am saying there is no need domestically. There is! There are approximately 18,000 infants adopted domestically each year in the United States. There are also a little over 100,000 foster children available for adoption here. But for us it came down to the most important factor, the calling. We have not been led to domestic (at least right now). We both feel very strongly that the Lord has directed us to international. And it feels overwhelming to try and make such a small dent in such a huge number. My only comfort is that I know the Lord sees them in their need. He is the Father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5) and I know He hears their heart's cry. I can only begin to hope that our journey will inspire others to make their own tiny dent. For some that might also mean adoption. For others it might be giving to those in need. For all I hope it inspires a fresh vision for the need of others outside our comfortable circles. I covet your prayers, not just for us, but for those millions of orphans awaiting rescue.

Inspired

How did we get to this point? How did I progress from adamantly wanting only two children to having four and then pursuing international adoption? The path to where we are now was not a straight one. It was full of selfish decisions. It included loss and sickness, pain and brokenness. It took time to soften my heart. The Lord patiently waited on me to listen.

Last year, my father attended the Catalyst Conference in Atlanta, GA with Life Church Huntsville's staff. While there, he heard a young lady named Katie Davis speak about her mission work in Uganda. I spoke with him on the phone while he was still in Atlanta and he recounted some of her testimony to me. It rang a bell and I realized that I had seen her book on Amazon. My interest was peaked. I immediately bought the book and spent the next few days devouring it.

This book moved me in an earth-shattering way. I wept for the children. I applauded Katie. I was ashamed of myself. And my heart began to soften. Looking back now, I know Brant wondered about my well-being and maybe my sanity. I could not convey to him what I was feeling because I did not completely grasp it myself. I'm sure he just chalked it up to pregnancy hormones since I was three months pregnant at the time. As I turned each page and traveled through Katie's chapters, I was certain, the Lord was calling us to adoption. The thing was, Brant had no idea. And I was NOT going to be the one to tell him. I poured my heart out to the Lord. I told him this was not possible. That I do not have the capacity to handle more. He gently assured me to just wait and pray.

Praying was what I did for the rest of my pregnancy. Lots of praying. During the pregnancy, Brant started discussing the possibility of a 5th child. A natural 5th child. I knew the Lord was working on his heart too. I just didn't know how it would all come together.

In January 2012, my regular Thursday morning Bible study started back up for the spring session. We would be doing the new Beth Moore study on the book of James. I could not have anticipated the confirmation that was awaiting me during these sessions. About two weeks after my new study began, I received the news of potential problems with my pregnancy and with our baby. I arrived that week at Bible study heartbroken at the possibilities. Here is a page from my notes that day. Could the Lord have spoken to me any clearer? Oh, how he loves me.

The remainder of my pregnancy was heavily monitored. The only thing we knew for certain was that I should not get pregnant again. I felt, at the time, the decision was being taken from me. "It should be my choice if I want to have another child," I argued with the Lord. Then I realized that all the praying I had done for confirmation, for the Lord to prick the heart of Brant about adoption, all of that was coming to fruition. It just wasn't the way I had envisioned it. I am so glad the Lord knows me better than I know myself. He knew my hand must be forced. He knew, left to my own devices, I would have slipped a check into the offering plate earmarked World Missions. That would have been so much easier. Instead, he began speaking words into Brant's heart. We were suddenly found ourselves placed in social situations with adoption and poverty as the main topic of discussion. We began talking it over in our quiet times together as husband and wife. The vision grew in our minds. It finally came down to obedience. We had a call. Would we accept it?

This is the scripture that spoke most to me during my study on James.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

It was a call we could not ignore. We step into this with a bit of trepidation as one would expect. But also with the full knowledge that the Lord will bear us up and not forsake us. He cannot for He loves us so.

Application In

The application is in the mail! Or rather, the Fedex plane. Being that patience is not one of my strongest virtues, I felt it best to just go ahead and use 2-day delivery. It took every ounce of self-control to resist overnight. The most amusing part of that is the "not patient" part since we are embarking on an adventure that, I'm sure, will require more of that on some days than I have ever possessed in my life. The Bigs (Dakota & Gavin) were so excited when I put the envelope in the dropbox. This excitement had very little to do with the application being sent and everything to do with their hope that maybe I would not be consumed for the rest of the day with this process.

We did have a beautiful moment as the Bigs and I prayed over that paperwork before "the drop". We prayed that God's will and not ours would be revealed in the process. That we would receive that extra dose of patience and have peace along the way. But we prayed the hardest for that child or children who already are digging a place out in our hearts and lives. That they would be safe while they are waiting for us to come pick them up. That someone will show them love until we get there. This is our prayer.